#17: 5 Ways the Internet Makes You Stupid
In the beginning, the Internet was supposed to become the next great educational tool. But instead, it’s become a playground for thoughtless writing, useless information, and mindless distraction.
It’s a place where unfunny people can have popular comedy sites, belligerent bloggers can become journalists, and anyone with a handheld camera, a wiffle ball bat, a crotch, and a dream can become a 10-second celebrity.
But did you ever ask yourself, why these people act the way they do? What made them become so retarded?
Well, Panda Page writer Nick Olds has 5 answers…
#5) Short-Term Memory Loss
I get easily distracted by having instant access to useless information. Let’s say, I’d go online to research something like the history of Mayan people.
But while I’m looking for that, I end up reading that Mayans lived in Cancun, which is the popular spring break spot, where Pauley Shore had that legendary MTV coke-party, and what was I talking about?
#4) Trivial Knowledge
Having all that access to useless information, most of your “knowledge” is trivial. Most people can name every Chuck Norris fact, but can’t remember their Constitutional rights or why they stay at a job they hate.
#3) Speaking Only in Acronyms and Abbreviations
Because of the crack-rush attention span of internet users, I no longer spell whole words or speak in complete sentences.
Example
Normal: Are you going to be rolling on the floor and laughing out loud later?
Internet: r u goin 2 b rotflol l8r?
My English teachers are proud.
#2) Spending hours on Messageboards
Instead of reading or thinking about my life, I spent hours talking/arguing/exchanging obscene pictures with people about current events on messageboards. The discussions, or “threads”, were very enlightening and clever, plus there were tons of capital letters and exclamation points. Which was great for emphasis.
#1) I spent all my time watching YouTube videos, playing games on Facebook, reading and writing MySpace blogs, and looking at porn.
I discovered a few things while doing these:
-YouTube is a great way to become famous without experience, talent, or intelligence
-MySpace is most people’s only chance to be friends with celebrities
-Facebook allowed me to see what my old girlfriends look like (and then try to bang them)
-And porn was a great way to get out my sexual frustration when my old girlfriends inevitably wouldn’t sleep with me.
Also, I found out that going to other people’s websites and writing nasty comments was a great way for me to feel better about myself for not having the courage to create anything on my own.
-Current views: 936
Tags: news, internet, guidos, guido, life, the Internet, jersey boys tan, spray tan jersey boyz, guido hairstyle, the internet makes you stupid
April 30, 2008 at 3:57 pm
heheheh… It’s like, duh, I’m stupid, that’s why I love the internet.
May 1, 2008 at 2:14 pm
Yeah the internet’s awesome.
Good work.
May 1, 2008 at 7:07 pm
This is brilliant
May 1, 2008 at 7:08 pm
The internet IS awesome.
Gabe’s right
May 1, 2008 at 7:09 pm
There’s a war going on
May 1, 2008 at 7:10 pm
oh shut up warbo.
Yes there’s a war going on. That’s a liberal’s answer for anything he doesn’t want to talk about
May 1, 2008 at 7:11 pm
I really want to hate this, because I hate everything this site does. but this is actually good
May 1, 2008 at 7:12 pm
agreed. pretty good
May 1, 2008 at 7:13 pm
lots of people I know should see this
May 1, 2008 at 7:14 pm
the internet really does make people stupid. we should really just end blogging. that’d do it
May 1, 2008 at 7:14 pm
we’d all be out of a job if they stopped blogging!
May 1, 2008 at 7:15 pm
Hillary Clinton with another bad idea
May 1, 2008 at 7:52 pm
Nick I had no idea you had haters. Your site has made it and I predict a very momentous rise in The Panda Page’s influence on all things Web 2.0. Thanks for inviting me here, every visit has been entertaining and smart. Veronica
May 2, 2008 at 4:27 pm
You nailed it. I particularly liked the part about the porn and what was that other thing? Oh yeah, Dane Cook does suck hard.
May 3, 2008 at 5:03 am
Lukily someone (you know) sent me this link Nick. Well done! But it does remind me that I often get forwards of internet links not as worthwhile. I guess the internet also makes your friends and family stupid!
May 3, 2008 at 5:31 pm
GOODNPLENTY doesn’t make any sense.
May 4, 2008 at 10:25 am
Guess this is luck:first blog to watch and found a guy you made me laugh out loud!
Sorry for my english, I’m italian and I write from Italy, and maybe I’ll make you laugh!!!
May 4, 2008 at 5:47 pm
this is so kewl LOL
May 4, 2008 at 5:48 pm
My guess is that you’re in your early twenties, and you hate facts. Well done
May 4, 2008 at 5:50 pm
This is hilarious and true. Snark life’s just upset because this applies to him
May 4, 2008 at 5:52 pm
that’s why I luv the internet too
May 4, 2008 at 5:52 pm
that’s why I luv the internet too
May 4, 2008 at 5:54 pm
This is ok.
MySpace.
May 4, 2008 at 6:05 pm
Fat Greggy’s the shit
May 5, 2008 at 2:30 pm
That isn’t Mexico. That is Atlantis in the Bahamas. Great place…highly recommend it.
June 16, 2008 at 3:31 pm
i love avocados
July 11, 2008 at 11:48 pm
As I’m reading this, I have four other tabs opened: Facebook, Myspace, a forum I frequent, and Google so I could check my spelling of something.
The internet is t3h freaking awesomez0rz!! LULZ!!!11!!1!!eleven