#15: A Field Guide to American People: Hipsters
There are a lot of people in America today. That’s why each week, The Panda Page breaks down the anonymity of our great country with a new series called, A Field Guide to the People of America.
Last week, we examined LOLcats and their creators. But this week, we meet Indie kids. More specifically, the Hipster species (Totalus Conformistus).
So let’s get to know them, shall we?
1. What They Look Like
The Hipster can be most easily identified for their distinctive hairstyle, Bed Head. Which consists of not washing their hair, or sleeping in positions that allow the cowlicks on their heads to look fashionably unwashed [pictured in Fig 1.1].
Hipsters can also be identified for having 2% body fat [illustrated in Fig 1.2].
Other common traits of the Hipster include having a star tattooed on the inside of their wrist, growing an ironic mustache, wearing a too-small sweater, multi-colored 70’s ski-vest, a high school sports T-shirt, Nixon-era Chuck Taylors, chunky plastic-frame glasses, and air-tight black girls jeans [seen below in Fig 1.3].
2. Where To Find Them
When the Hipster is not writing indie music reviews or posting up nightlife pictures of themselves, they can be seen living in Austin Texas, Portland Oregon, San Francisco, Los Angeles (Silver Lake), Wicker Park Chicago, and Williamsburg Brooklyn [pictured in Fig 2.1].
Other locations to spot Hipsters include coffee shops, the South-by-Southwest Music festival, and in the Art, Philosophy, or English courses at liberal arts colleges.
3. Hobbies
Among the most popular hobbies of Hipsters include being ironic, scoffing at anything mainstream, judging people on their musical tastes, having their parents pay their rent, frequently using the term “post-modern”, reading Nylon magazine, drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon, carrying a shoulder-strap messenger bag, and shopping at thrift stores [shown in Fig 3.1].
4. Approaching Them in the Wild
Now that you’ve met the Hipsters, why not say “Hi” every once in a while? You can usually find them on Pitchfork, so be on the look out. But be warned, upon first meeting, Hipsters are likely to mock you for being mainstream or for liking a band that they were in to 10 years ago.
So it’s important for you to at least wear something from American Apparel or Urban Outfitters upon approaching a Hipster. But once you’ve done that, they’re generally nice people.
But most of all, have fun!
-Nick
current views: 1,070
Hipster sites sited:
-Pitchfork
-Last Night’s Party
-Nylon Magazine
-NME Magazine
-Vice Magazine
-Free Williamsburg
Also sited:
How to make a Hipster Tutorial:
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April 24, 2008 at 1:28 pm
[...] The Panda Page put an intriguing blog post on #70: A Field Guide to Internet People: HipstersHere’s a quick excerpt [...]
April 24, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Nice page, funny as hell… check out my fakenewsblog if you get a chance, just click on my name. And yes, I know this is a shameless self-plug, but I’m honest.
April 25, 2008 at 5:29 am
Another great field guide post. It’s a tall glass of bubbly.
April 26, 2008 at 1:57 am
That is EXACTlY what the students in my school look like the ony thing that they dont have is the can and cigarette. Personaly I thing it looks stupid and the only other fad that looks less stupid is the skater shoes, with baggy pants, and a hoody two sizes too big.
April 26, 2008 at 2:24 am
Great post, very funny!
April 26, 2008 at 7:12 am
Hipsters are the majority of the “counter-culture” in the Northeast. It’s more or less a breading ground for them, must be all the Liberal Arts and Art colleges. Also, PBR is a fantastic beer and should not be labeled a “Hipster” beer, it is one of the official punk rock beers, along with Miller High Life, of Massachusetts.
Aside from that, amazing post. Spot on. You must have met/known your fair share of them.
April 26, 2008 at 12:48 pm
This is just the type of anti-intellectual rhetoric that you oafish buffoons opine about regularly. “Hipsters” discover the bands and trends that you conformists will like a year from now.
April 26, 2008 at 12:50 pm
lol this is great
April 26, 2008 at 12:55 pm
gideon’s an ass. isn’t a hipster conforming for dressing like other hipsters?
April 26, 2008 at 12:58 pm
Hysterical. Do you make that picture at the bottom?
April 26, 2008 at 1:01 pm
for gideon
WTF! u r every person i never liked. look at that drawing again snob
April 26, 2008 at 1:05 pm
gideon should find a gas chamber and take care of business
April 26, 2008 at 1:06 pm
god, do people like gideon really exist??? omg
April 26, 2008 at 1:09 pm
haha this is what gideon looks like:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAO4EVMlpwM
April 26, 2008 at 1:11 pm
hahaha man i hate hipsyters
April 26, 2008 at 1:14 pm
This is fantastic
April 26, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Oh, Lord, if I hear a hipster say conformist again, I’m gonna snap
April 26, 2008 at 1:17 pm
This is beautiful. It describes everyone I know
April 26, 2008 at 1:18 pm
this is super accurate. I love this.
April 26, 2008 at 1:21 pm
You put a lot thought into this. That’s admirable. I like it.
April 26, 2008 at 1:22 pm
gideon,
now I have to know you exist? goddamit
April 26, 2008 at 1:23 pm
I just stumbled upon this, and its absolutely accurate. Big thumbs up.
April 26, 2008 at 1:25 pm
if hipsters were a race, this would be racist. thumbs DOWN
April 26, 2008 at 1:35 pm
hipsters = fucktards
April 26, 2008 at 1:36 pm
i completely disagree. i drink pbrs, man.
April 26, 2008 at 1:37 pm
i would hate hupsters, if they didnt like my raps so much:
myspace.com/fatgreggy
April 26, 2008 at 1:38 pm
OMG fuck you, Gideon
April 26, 2008 at 1:39 pm
hahaha this reminds of this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kn8DYjNjEoQ
April 26, 2008 at 1:46 pm
LOL this video’s better
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2fazuB3Hhk
April 26, 2008 at 1:49 pm
this was great. but i’m a hipster
April 26, 2008 at 1:51 pm
http://www.timeout.com/newyork/export_images/609/609.x231.cover.jpg
April 26, 2008 at 7:43 pm
This is too funny! I don’t think the blonde guy in Brooklyn is a hipster though.
April 27, 2008 at 5:24 pm
I love this site, thank you for recommending it. OK back in my 20’s I confess I may have been considered this Hipster you describe. There are several differences between hipsters then and now but the idea is the same. I always hated the music snobs as they were and the emaciated pseudo-rockers jeans werent as tight… hmmm maybe they were. Anyway, great portrait of a sub-culture that truly appears to love itself but is actually just masking tremendous insecurity. V
May 1, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Funny. Although I would guess this site is run by hipsters, judging by the drawings of obscure 80’s pop icons.
May 3, 2008 at 9:28 pm
Don’t forget, they like to wear scarves when it’s 80 degrees out.
May 6, 2008 at 2:07 pm
I’ve been over at Pitchfork for five minutes and I still can’t figure it out.
May 6, 2008 at 9:38 pm
[...] a field guide to hipsters courtesy of the panda page. [...]
May 6, 2008 at 9:51 pm
Hello everyone! I’m an asshole! I use the word post modern all the time.
May 12, 2008 at 9:47 am
[...] pictorial examination of Hipstersread more | digg [...]
June 9, 2008 at 3:27 pm
Im all for hipsters, i like the style. But the one thing I do hate, which the hipster tutorial hit on is the KEY CHAIN. I understand the hook is convieinent, but i dont like the look
June 11, 2008 at 9:54 am
scarves are essential
June 19, 2008 at 2:48 pm
In portland oregon, Joan Wagar and Eric Carlson are in A Murder conspiracy together.
And Clackamas Walmart are acttively helping them by hideing Eric’s employment there from me and my family.
For over A year now Eric Carlson has been going by the name gashel, last name unknown by me, he dyed his hair black, and Walmart agreed to hide his Identity from my daughter, who also worked at that store.
Joan and Eric have friends in Authority protecting Joan and Eric from prosecution.
I have reported this repeatedly to the Authority’s and they are ignoring Joan and Eric’s CONSPIRACY.
I would be more than happy to Testify to this but the Authority’s are covering this up so my testimony would simply dissapear.
My name is Terry Wagar and Im backing up these charges.
Nomatter how many people Joan and Eric poisoned the Authority’s here in portland Oregon refuse to arrest them.
Im making these charges public because of the blatent coverup of these charges.
why is Walmart hideing A BodyDouble?
June 29, 2008 at 5:26 am
I would like to have sex to a emo chick. They look real sexy
July 2, 2008 at 12:53 am
Pfft. What a bunch of twats. Be non-conformist, but in a conformist kind of way. Reject the mainstream and thus create your own.
July 4, 2008 at 6:47 am
Gavin… you are a FUCKTARD…
July 8, 2008 at 12:45 am
Evolutionarily, hipsters have every bad trait possible to survive. They would have been eaten and died out long ago from natural selection, if this were cave-man days.
July 8, 2008 at 10:35 am
[...] #30) A Field Guide to the People of America: PETA There are a lot of people in America today. That’s why each week, The Panda Page breaks down the anonymity of our great country for newborns and immigrants with a series called, A Field Guide to the People of America. [...]
July 10, 2008 at 10:48 pm
As an Austinite, I know them all too well. Good stuff!
July 11, 2008 at 11:40 pm
Portlandite here, so I know exactly where you’re coming from. Most of my friends can be pegged under the “Hipster” catagory. We get along just fine as long as we don’t talk about music (they scoff at my love of Queen and Boston and ask why I don’t listen to “real” bands like Polyphonic Spree or I’m From Barcelona) or movies (if it has a commertial, there is no earthly way it can be good, apparently). I’m getting close to telling some of them, “You’re not cool, you’re not ironic, you’re just stupid. Now go take a shower.”
July 12, 2008 at 8:43 am
You included Pete Doherty and the Horrors, both British, neither hipster. Idiot.
July 16, 2008 at 10:15 pm
[...] #31) A Field Guide to the People of America: Bill O’Reilly There are a lot of people in America today. That’s why each week, The Panda Page breaks down the anonymity of our great country for newborns and immigrants with a series called, A Field Guide to the People of America. [...]