The Panda Page

There are a lot of people in America today. That’s why each week, The Panda Page breaks down the anonymity of our great country with a new series called, A Field Guide to the People of America.

Last week, we examined the Guido. But today we’re going to meet the College Revolutionary. (Trustfundus Ignoramus)

Let’s get to know them, shall we?

1. What They Look Like

The College Revolutionary can be most easily recognized by his unique long hair and beard [pictured in Fig 1.1].

The College Revolutionary can also easily spotted on the Web for his beret-like hat and faded green Army jacket [as illustrated in Fig. 1.2 below].

2. Where to Find Them

The College Revolutionaries can be found at protests, rallies, or any kind of gathering with girls that are impressed by that kind of event. Most often, those events are held on the campuses of private colleges in New England or northern California [pictured in Fig. 2.1].

3. Hobbies

Among the most popular hobbies among College Revolutionaries include saving Darfur, despising republicans, living off their parents wealth, ending Global Warming, smoking marijuana, supporting Barack Obama, and public speaking to groups of people that agree with them [illustrated in Fig 3.1].

4. Approaching Them in the Wild

Now that you’ve learned about College Revolutionaries, why not say “Hi” if you see them on the Web? But be warned when approaching them: if you do not have long hair or a beard, the College Revolutionary will yell things like “Fascist!” and “Conformist!” until you go away.

So it is important that you at least wear a shirt or patch that states something negative about President Bush when engaging any College Revolutionary.

So have fun everybody, and MAKE FRIENDS

-Nick

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Re-Caption These Photos:
Step 1) Copy and save these pictures: Fig 1.1 Long Hair and Beard, Fig 1.2 College Revolutionary, Fig 2.1 Protest Rally, Fig 3.1 Public Speaking, Last picture-Che
Step 2) Go to Piknik and upload your College Revolutionary pictures
Step 3) Be Entertained

Elsewhere on the Site:
-A Field Guide to Internet People: Guidos
-Role-Playing Presidents
-Life Lessons from Drunk Girls on MySpace
-Top 5 Internet Failures
-If Advertising Were True: 5 Products Examined

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