The Panda Page

With so many products out there in today’s marketplace, it’s tough to decide what to buy. In fact, sometimes it seems the only way to choose your brand is to see which one has the most beautiful people in their ads.
We all know they don’t use the products, though. So who does?

1. Bud Light

Bud Light, known for their clever advertisements during every major sporting event, attempt to appeal to the hip 25-34 young male.

However, in reality, Bud Light’s the sauce of choice for people looking to buy a neutral beer for large quantities of people. It’s not the cheapest, nor the best. Which makes it perfect for someone who doesn’t care about life. The real demographic.

2. Colt 45

Colt 45 was once marketed on BET by Billy Dee Williams as the drink of choice for the successful black male (”I’m not saying you need to drink Colt 45 to have a good time. But I’m not not saying it, either.”)

In reality, it became the drink of choice for the lower-income class black male during the mid-90’s rap craze. It became the cost-effective symbol of the disenfranchised gangsta youth. And it stopped being consumed out of cans, and is now almost exclusively sold in 40-ounce bottles.

3. Marlboro

There’s really no explanation needed here. The demographic’s changed from teenagers (which is still going strong), to Asian countries (which is going VERY strong).

In reality though, the demographic’s still people trying to fit in.

4. Haagen Dasz

Haagen Dasz is marketed as a classy after-dinner dessert for the upper class white professional. And the carton never shows the ice cream. Instead it displays a picture of the real flavor (i.e. a toffee brownie, a dark chocolate candy bar, etc.).

The reality is the ice cream’s a brown, indiscernible mush. And its demographic are former smokers, depressed teenagers, and the recently broken-hearted.

5. The Office

The Office is NBC’s smash hit sitcom that’s marketed to attractive and witty 18-34 year-olds, but more relatable to the 25-34 range.

In reality, the demographic is more like 28-45, because it’s slowly replacing Dilbert comics and hunky firemen calendars as watercooler conversation.

Honorable Mention: GAP

The Gap is marketed to the fashionbly reserved white person of all ages. It’s inoffensive and acceptable clothing for white people and the rapper, Common.

But the advertisements don’t mention that in order to shop there, you have to have at least one Modest Mouse or Death Cab for Cutie album on your iPod. It’s not a law, but it’s definitely a rule.

For more examinations on reality, check out TODAY’S TOP 5 INTERNET FAILURES.

Or if you’re in the mood for cartoons, watch ROLE-PLAYING PRESIDENTS.

-Nick

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